Feelings

Last post of this month... :) Time really zoomed past lor... I struggled in this job for a year past liao... Still struggling lah... Haiz... Well, life still carries on mah...

The last conversation with him is still haunting me till now lor... Sighz... A kinda bad experience? Maybe... Was hoping for another chance but I seriously doubt tat this second chance would come... Haiz... Was hoping for a rewind... But dun think can rewind lah... Hur hur...

人们常说人生如戏... 没错啊! 人生是如戏, 只是这处戏是没有rehearsals, 没有 NG, 没有的从来... 有时机会一旦失去了, 就很难再得到了...

关键问题还未得到答案... 要如何取得答案又是另一个大问题喔... Haiz... Why so many questions? Why everything pending? And yes, his name is strike off from the invitation list liao... Dun nid to wait till the ultimate deadline liao...

没心情

Someone read this sentence on a novel and somehow this sentence remind her of me: 什么事情都是这样，所有的答案在问题形成前，就已经清楚刻在每个人的脑海里。

Ya, it links back to the 'invite or not invite' thingy... Ya, it links back to the last conversation I had with him... Ya, it links back bits and pieces of him...

Days past but the unhappiness still somehow struck within me... Sighz...

Tot tat shopping would somehow makes me feel better... Yes, initially it does... I spent over a hundred bucks on a top, a bottom, a belt and a dress... Somehow, the happiness doesnt last long...

Wat's happening to me huh? I really wondered...

Mixed Feelings

After dunno for how long, I finally had a chance to talk to him... I shld be happy rite? But the feelings juz isnt rite leh...

Tat's the problem... Can only call him or watever when thingy croppped up... And likewise, he only called me when he needed help... It's kinda sad lor... Why can we communicate in such a way? Sighz...

Before I called him, I was feeling all nervous.. Dun ask me why... I juz felt super nervous lor... Cold palms... Not sweaty, juz freezing cold... Haha... Well, like wat I said before, U dun wanna act stupid, silly or watever in front of the person tat U fancy, rite? Me too... Haha...

It's been super duper long since I last spoke to him lor... Somehow, today's conversation kinda upset me... Sighz...

To Invite Or Not?

We began to sound like those kopitiam ah-pek, omitting all those salutation titles... C'mon lah... Tell me! Doesnt Quek, Chia, Hui, Tay sounds like those kopitiam uncles 称呼吗? Shift all blames to Hui!! She started this 'trend'!! Haha...

He's on leave... So it's hundreds of hours tat I wont be able to see him lor... Haha... Nevertheless, debates on whether he shld be invited anot still carried on, but via msn this time round... Part of the advices/ lectures from the kind soul:

1) Nope, u no need to think anything, juz INVITE him.... Its juz a invite, its not 100% he will turn up... But if u didnt even sent the invite to him, 100% he WONT turn up....

2) Ultimately, u are the ONLY person to know whether u want to invite him a not.... Just remember one thing loh, dont regret....

3) Opportunity doesnt come knocking on ur door so often... Maybe if he comes to the chalet, can get to know him better...

4) I am not forcing u to take any actions... Like what u say, u need to find an answer to ur qns... but when there is no interaction at all, how to find answer.....

Yes, kind soul... Points noted... I know you try to talk thingy into my mind... And you really sounded kinda pissed off with me lor even though it's via msn... Haha... I will do some soul-searching lah... Hehe... Anyway, I still got some time to play before the ultimate deadline rite? Haha... Maybe, if the feeling had faded off by then, we can save on this argument/ debate/ advice/ lecture liao... =)

Tots...

Went Orchard again last Fri... Dinner was a hard decision when someone kip saying "Anything but Cafe Cartel and subject to elimination..." Final choice was Pastamania coz the queue was the shortest among the restaurants around (In fact, there's no queue at all...) Headed to nydc for desserts later on... Ermz, tot the mudpies are very well-known? How cum I dun feel tat fantastic abt?

I almost felt like I'm a suspect last nite... Being interrogated almost the whole nite... Why like this? Sighz... Was kinda forced to plan out the guestlists... Aiyo... Yes, I did think of inviting him doesnt equal to I have to invite him, rite? Think he will feel outta place as well lor... And yeah, kinda regret abt the whole chalet thingy... Haha... Maybe it isn't such a good idea abt getting a chalet, rite? Haha... AND I really think it's damn too early to send out invitations lor...

Questioning, questioning, questioning... Endless of questioning... Plans, plans, plans, endless of plans... And yes, these plans will never worked out if I, the main character of this whole 'drama', refused to act or take part at all... And like wat I told you guys last nite, the problem/ question tat is lying rite in front of me is damn important to me lor... The answer/ result will definitely affect my decision... Yes, those might be rumours only but these rumours might be true oso lor... 我只能说: 请你们高抬贵手, 放过我吧!

And ya, I'm not planning to go Double O next Fri... No no no no no... I dun wanna be dead drunk!

R/S Part III

Few days ago, I asked someone this question: So you want to 暗恋 only ah? U dun want to be together? This fella is in a similar kind of situation with me... Haha... The reply: Dunno leh! How abt U?

Sighz... If I tell you tat I din tot of being together, will you believe me? Haha... However, there's a big question/ problem lying in front of me lor... It's not tat I try harder and the problem will resolve automatically (or will it?)... I dunno, I really dunno... I oso wish tat 我们能有未来, 不过挡在眼前的却是一道一道的难关... 能否过难关还是一回事 woh... 有些东西不是努力、不断付出、不断往前冲就能取得成绩的... 当然在原地踏步更是不会有成果啦...

应该先解决目前的问题，才来考虑成果吧？对吗？

R/S Part II

My mind was hatching with plans... Plans of striking conversations with him... Haha... Thanks to the schemes and plans that someone offered... Haha... Though I seriously doubt tat I will put these schemes or plans to actions... Hehe...

Yeah, I'm considered a coward when it comes to R/S, I have to admit tat... Well, you dun wish to act stupid or silly in front of the person you like, do you? Neither do I wish to lor... Maybe it's this kinda thinking tat stopping me... You will tend to think alot lor... Think of wat to say to him/her... Think of how he/she will react... And before you can utter a word, he/she had juz walked past you... Sighz... Disappointment aint the only word to describe but it's played a damn important part then...

其实，在漫漫人海中我们能相遇已经是件不简单的事了... 就算可能到最后我们都不会有结果，我还是很感激能够遇见你... 也许你可能又是一位在我人生中只留下脚印的人...

我现在是真的没办法采取任何主动 lor... 好希望我的勇气快点来啊！Haha...

R/S

Found this quote by chance... Was actually searching for another quote... Hehe...

感情的事是很难去形容的...
...

好多人问我到底是喜欢他什么... 嗯, 其实我也不是很明白我喜欢他什么... 这是一种感觉嘛... 要我怎么去形容这感觉? 我形容不出来嘛! Haha...
...

Fellas, not tat I dun want to take any actions, I dun have the confidence lah... Haha.. Moreover, there's still some possibilities problems lying ahead lor... To Ms Consultant A & B on Fri nite, you know wat's the problems I'm refering to bah... And to Ms Consultant C & D, I'm sticking to the original one... No more the other one liao... Hehe...

Likewise, I oso want a book of Answers... Haha... Answers to those questions tat are swirling in my mind like a hurricane... Sighz... Someone told me tat I'm the 被动 type... And yes, it's true lor... For certain thingy, I can be real 主动 but when it comes to R/S, I'm the super 被动 type lor... 几年前我也曾经主动过啊，还搞到人人皆知 (不是我要把事情弄大啦，不过当你有个‘广播电台’的同事，不搞到人人皆知才怪咯...) 当时的他却不领情，感觉受伤... 也许这就是让我却步的原因吧... 我想不是每个男人都喜欢如此主动的女人吧... And ya, 想太多 is 女人天性 lor... Haha...

Alcohol

Juz for laugh... Hehe...

And to update, I juz bought 2 bottles of white wine today... Hehe... White wine is healthier as compared to vodka bah... Hehe... The only problem is I dunno how long will the 2 bottles lasted me... Haha...

Ya ya... I know... Excessive drinking is unhealthy... I will take note... Dun worry too much, okie? :)

Will post another entry soon... Dun worry, it's not abt alcohol... Haha... And I dun think anybody will be interested in me and my alcohol rite? You peeps are seem to be more interested in me and him lor... Haha...

Updates...

Yes, I'm out of action for these few days... Hehe.. The first few days coz nothing exciting enuff for me to blog leh... Then Thur was internet's down... (Damn mad over this lor...) Fri was out to somewhere else till now... Haha... And surprisingly, I'm still wide awake at this hour woh... Hehe...

Had a long chat today with 2 of my 'consultants'... Haha... It was all about guessing games initially... Once the answers are revealed, it's all about plans and schemes... Haha... But I'm quite relieved tat no one told me tat he's a bad choice lor... No one yet... Juz on Wed, another 2 of my 'consultants' were advising me as well... On the same topic with different plans and schemes.... Yeah peeps... It's all abt MWR (a upgrade version of BGR)... Haha... (Will update more if I got the time tmr...)

To all my 4 'consultants': Points noted... Advices keyed in... Actions - not yet taken... Sighz... I think in the end, I'll still fail lor and 'disappoint' all of you... Haha...

Actually my plan for Fri's nite was karaoke and drinking session... But since like no one agreed with me leh... Sob sob... Everybody almost tot tat I become a 酒鬼 liao... Haha... But no lor... Work is getting stressful nowadays lah... Need to relax, unwind and chill down mah... Ya, tat's the excuse tat I've been giving for these past few days... Muahaha... Anyway, we din go for a drink later on... And peeps, if you think tat's gonna stop me from drinking for the nite, pls drop tat tots! I've still got half bottle of vodka at home lor... Haha... (And yes, I'm sipping the drink rite now... Haha...) Yes, I know... Excessive drinking is bad.. But I'm not an excessive drinker yet mah... Hehe... And dear Ms Liao, I dun drink vodka everyday hor... I only drink on Thurs, Fri or Sat... Selected days only... Haha...

And ya, I finally 搞清楚 tat I still prefer him... I still like him... Though chances are still not high, he's still my only choice for the time being... Feelings for him are still engraved deeply lor... Hard to remove at the moment... The other one is juz a 晃子... Haha...

我应该去争取吗? 不争又怎么知道结果呢?
矛盾啊!

Angry!!!

I received a threat today!!! And I'm damn angry over it!!!

Dammit! Juz bcoz of 1 sms and you threatened me? Aint you behaving rather childish and over-sensitive? My sms to him is nothing lor... Yes, it's nothing but it oso doesnt mean tat I have to show you wat's the sms abt! If you are so eager to find out, call him and find out lah! And pls, if you think I'm interested in him as well, do you think I will give any hints or say anything tat you are interested in him as well? Siaoz ah? Why should I ruin my own chance?

Better control yourself and dun think too much... 不然你就好自为之了!

曾经

曾经有人对我说: 我捉住你的手之后, 我再也不放开了... 最后放手的不是他, 而是我...

曾经有人对我说: 其实我也很不错啊, 为何不考虑考虑? 我却把这句话当成玩笑话...

我就这样错过了吗?

想捉住些什么, 却怎么也捉不住...
想留住些什么, 却什么也留不住...

Today

Obviously aint in the perfect mood rite now, but I juz wanna write sth...

Everything was ok in the noon... Mit Ms Chia for lunch... Travelled all the way down to Tanjong Pagar juz to have BK with her... Haha... Arent you kinda touched, Ms Chia? Hehe... Ms Quek called in the middle of the meal, complaining tat she's bad mood... Well, her bad mood lasted for couples of days liao... Wat's the cause of her bad mood? I dunno, she dun wanna tell me... So I guess myself lor... I think got sth to do with him (this him not my him lah... Let me label him as Ha-choo) lor... But she denied it... But I trust my 第六感 lor...

Went to visit my hairstylist after tat... She went to a new place to work... Wasnt in my plan to visit her initially... But since I got the spare time, why not? Had a haircut and treatment... Dun think can see great difference in the haircut lah... However, my hairstylist did mention tat 我越来越女人了... Haha... Ok, 就算是骗我的, 我也很开心啊! 女人嘛, 就是爱听这些话... Hehe...

Wat makes my mood down, you may ask... It's a long story lah... I dun want to talk about it... So dun ask liao... I can only say that it's not my 义务 to be on standby mode always lor... It's the same for you as well... So let's be fair and square lor... 只能说心情不好啦... And to make thingy worse, back to work tomorrow liao... Sighz...

Mood changed...
Feelings changed...
Can unchange? Sighz...

时间

On leave for today and tomorrow... Nowhere to go actually... Juz wanna take leave and laze at home... Work is drowning me for the past 2 months... Tot tat a short break will be good... 也许时间太多了, 才会胡思乱想...

有些事情是勉强不来的, 勉强是不会有幸福的... Sighz...

我不想把事情想的太复杂... 能简单化吗?

我不想想太多, 能不想了吗?

时间能冲淡一切, 时间能改变一切...

我真的希望如此...

BBQ Over The Weekend

TVM sales peeps organised BBQ over the weekend... Ms Quek & I turned up at their chalet on Fri... Well, initially they told us tat they wanna go karaoke lor... In the end, makan at a Hongkong cafe in E-Hub!, bought some stuff at NTUC, and set back to the chalet liao... Sighz! Where's my karaoke?!

Fri - a time to unchill for all... They drank beer while I drank white wine... Played games and drank lor... Think I drank quite a fair bit... 3 bottles of white wine... Think I drank most of the white wine lor... Drank until the 3rd one... Hate the taste of the 3rd one... Think there's some 'residue' of beer in the cup as well, tat makes me puke out... After puking, I awake again... But then, I dun drank anymore... Haha... Everyone was real tired lor... But I still sneaked home at 3.30am and reached home ard 4... Was kinda worried tat the door would be locked but Dad had went out to work already... Fun? Yeah... Mr Chan & Mr Ee were really great jokers lor...

Sat - BBQ... Had wanted to buy a bottle of vodka initially... But goes against the idea later on... Hehe... (I really regret tat lor! I shld have bought tat bottle! Damn!) Mr Chan's BBQ chicken wings aint really tat delicious as compared to Ms Quek's BBQ chicken wings lah... Haha... Think I'm the 1st one to comment the chicken wings not nice lor... Haha... We made Enoki Bacon there... :) Mr Ee was kinda surprised on the Golden Mushrooms... His first reaction was "The golden mushrooms for wat huh? U think we got steamboat here ah?" Haha... Anyway, it's a challenge for us to prepare tat dish lor... Coz there's no scissors nor knives around lor... So in the end, 1 of us tore (yes, tore) the golden mushrooms, 1 of us tore the asparagus and another one tore the bacon... Haha... And yes, our hard work paid off when everyone exclaimed tat the food is nice... :) Sat nite aint as fun as previous nite... Think bcoz their boss and the rest of their team around... And the rest of them were actually more interested to watch the Ch8 old movie instead... *Faintz* They only joined us for the games during commercial breaks... *tsk tsk tsk*

Was thinking of organising another chalet... :) But not tat soon lah... Work has drive me crazy recently... I really sincerely hope tat September will really be a better month for me lor...