Demise of my ah-mah

It came as a sudden, as a surprise. An unwelcome surprise. I received the news on 16 May, at ard 8.35am... I was already in my office, tucking in my breakfast when my dad (who happened to be off that day) rang me up and informed this news: 'Ah mah left already. Mum is crying very bitterly.' After I end the call, i immediately ran over to my boss' cubicle and told her that my ah
mah is gone and i need to go home immediately.

I was so bitterly upset that i arrived home later than everyone else. Coz by the time when we reached ah mah's hse, they already sent ah mah for injections to preserve the body for 7days. Mum din see ah mah there and almost burst out crying... I feel guilty, real guilty.

We get changed and prepared for the funeral, prepared for the return of ah mah and her casket. There's a kinda ceremony for this and we, the children, the grandchildren and the great grandchildren of ah mah all kneel down to 'welcome' her back. During the ceremony, I heard a woman crying, loud and bitter. I tot it's my second aunt but little did i know that it's actually my
Mum. Mum was kneeling down at least 3 rows ahead of me and I only came to realise after the ceremony. My tears started to flow down after i saw my mum wept until like that. My heart breaks. I felt terrible. I felt guilty. I felt useless – coz i can only tell my mum dun be so upset yet i cant do anything to ease her pain.

The wake lasted till 22 May. It's one of my ah mah's wish to hold the wake for 7days. Lotsa frenz, relatives and colleagues came down to pay the last respects for ah mah. Very crowded, very 热闹. Ah mah likes 热闹. Gone thru almost all the rituals. Was worried that my mum might
collapse so I wld try to stay and stick ard with her. I have to take care of her coz she's my mum! Dad warned me that mum still hv a stage to go thru which she will totally breakdown – the crementation session. I agreed, so i prepared lotsa tissue papers (juz in case). The bidding farewell ceremony is another heartbreaker. All of ah mah's children, including my mum, was crying uncontrollably. In fact, most of us started to cry as well... 我们很舍不得阿嬷. 所有的坚强都在这时刻瓦解了... 泪如断了线的珍珠般不停的滴落...

Tears flowed down yet uncontrollably again when we reached Mandai. My mum was shouting, screaming, crying loudly when the casket was slowly moving towards the 'fire'. We were told to come back the following day to collect the ashes.

My eldest uncle was the first one to place one of ah mah's bones/ashes to the urn. Unknowingly, he juz dropped the bone. It was only later that the person told him to place it gently. Feeling very guilty, he started to cry all over again. All of us accompanied ah-mah to her new home in Bedok. Everyone told turns to say a word or two with ah mah. When it was ah-gong's turn, 他双手合十想向阿嬷道别时却被阻止了... 我看到阿公终于忍不住很难过的落泪了, 我的眼泪又很不争气的落下了...

回到家里, 我终于忍不住嚎啕大哭了... 一直劝妈妈不要哭, 一直在陪哭... 这次却是真真实实的哭了... 好难过, 好难过, 好像憋了好久, 好像好久没哭似的, 泪水一直不断往下滑... 妈妈最后发现了, 而这次换成是她来安慰我...

阿嬷啊, 大家都好想念你啊!! 希望你在天堂会因为无病无痛而比较快乐啊!! 你永远会活在我们的心中的!